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I abandoned my family and I am ok with it.
Main Post:
I am sitting in my RV outside a cafe with free internet access typing this. I have gone over this so many times in my head- But I figured, writing this out could help me clarify the thoughts in my head.
I abandoned my family a little over a week after D-day. Wife 36F and Me 37M and Daughter 13F.
Its now almost 6 months since that day. I discovered her affair by chance. I was totally clueless. I believed we had a good marriage. Plenty of intimacy, we would talk about stuff for hours, we had date night regularly. We had shared and individual hobbies. We where healthy, in fairly good shape. It was good? Or maybe it was just me thinking that?
My wife, lets call her Eve, she cheated so she obviously preferred another man, not me. And if she could betray me like that she couldn’t possibly love me. Here i was thinking she was my best fried, i guess not.
In hindsight I can see that I probably saw things through rose tinted glasses. I actually believed that my family cared about me. I believed I was loved. I was the fool I guess.
I came home late from work, there was a safety training seminar I had to attend.
She was sleeping on the sofa and a message with some emojis popped up on her phone. Emojis like I would use when I message her? WTF? I snooped and I found out what had been going on for at least 5 months.
I knew the AP, Lets call him Adam, he was a work college of hers. I had even been to a barbecue at his house and met his family. He was married and had 3 children. The youngest, just 2 years old.
While reading the messages something just snapped in my head. It fundamentally changed me.
Over the course of reading their messages, I went from loving Eve more than anything, to hating her to just going blank. Not just about her, but everything.
Totally numb, I took pictures of the messages and went to bed, I didn’t sleep at all, I just stared at the sealing.
Eve was pissed the next day that I went to bed without waking her up. She complained about neck pain from sleeping on the couch all night.
I wasnt really listening, i just remember thinking how everything was muffled. As if someone had turned down the volume on the world. I was kind of surprised about how little I cared. I felt practically nothing. I should be angry right?
During breakfast I didn’t say a single word, my wife and daughter chatted away. They didn’t seem to notice anything different about me. Or even acknowledge me. But I definitely didn’t feel like myself.
I felt like I was someone new, someone I didn’t know or understand, wearing a suit of the old me.
I went through all the daily motions, I went to work, did all the normal stuff. The only difference is I sort of stopped talking. Sadly I realised that nobody seemed to even notice.
Its like I wasn’t even there. I started to understand that Eve and my daughter didnt really love me.
I was in the house with them, but unless they wanted something from me they didnt really interact. They talked at me, not with me, if that makes sense?.
I would get these pangs of pain, they would come and go. Sometimes they would overwhelm me completely. I was not ok.
I walked around like this for 5 days before Eve asked me if something was wrong during dinner, I had maybe uttered 3 words in total to her and my daughter in that period.
I didn’t even answer her question, I just made a “im ok/don’t know face” then continued eating. She seamed ok with that.
The next day I didn’t go to work, I work for the local power company, I fix power lines and such. I packed up some random stuff plus my camping/hunting gear.
I didnt really have a plan. I put it in my car and walked around the neighbourhood for a while, i ended up at the kitchen table waiting for the wife to come home.
She came home with a few bags of groceries, she immediately started talking about her day while unpacking. I just sat at the kitchen table in pain. She didn’t even look at me apart from one glance as she entered the kitchen. Daughter popped inn and did the same. Their backs where turned to me and they talked about some trivial crap on sale.
I have never felt so rejected, unappreciated, so alone. I felt totally invisible, like I wasnt there, or that I wasn’t worth acknowledging.
I was thinking back on our lives and all i could see was that they didnt care about me at all. They probably never did, i was an accessory to their life. I just didnt matter to them. I was a convenient and useful prop. I was hit with a wave of pain, i cried, still they didnt notice so i got angry, very angry.
I had a glass of water in front of me, I stood up and threw it hard at the tiles over the sink.
It just exploded, glass shards rained over everything. They both turned around angry - WHAT THE H... they froze, unsure what to do when they saw my contorted tear soaked face.
It was uncomfortably quiet for a long while before i spoke. “Eve, I know all about your cheating with Adam” I was surprised how clear it came out since I was clenching my jaw so hard it hurt.
My Daughter looked at Eve “what? Is that true mom?” Eve starting to try to explain. She briefly glanced t me and said “sorry, I can explain.. ” Then she turned back to our daughter and they started arguing.
Again it was like I was invisible or something. Hello! glass thrower here!!! After a few minutes watching their increasingly heated argument I just walked out and got in my car, i looked at them again through the window, still arguing in the kitchen. They didnt even notice i had left. I sat there for a few more minutes before I gave up and just drove off.
It took maybe 15 minutes before Eve tried to call me, then call after call after call, then a flood of texts from both of them. I just ignored it and eventually turned the phone off.
The next day I took half of our money out and called my boss. I told him I didn’t know when I would be back. He told me if i didnt show up i was fired. I just told him OK and hung up.
I just didn’t care.
I went to Adams house, his wife opened. I gave her a copy of the messages and told her what Adam and my wife had been up to. I left her crying on the stairs.
At the end of the day I ended up in a cheap hotel at the edge of town.
The next few days where kind of a blur while I tried to come to terms with things. I didnt make any real progress. Mostly staring at the wall trying to think of reasons not to end myself.
Eve’s older brother is a cop. Let's call him Bob.
Bob showed up on the 3rd or 4th day, I'm not sure. I don’t know how he found me. He tried to interrogate me, I didnt say anything. When I didn’t engage, he told me I was under arrest and put me in cuffs. However he didn't take me to the station like I expected. He took me home instead.
Bob dragged me into the living room where my wife and daughter immediately started berating me.
Still i said nothing. I just listened in amazement while they told me how terrible this was for them. When a terrible a-hole I was for making them worry. It went on for a while, in the end Eve screamed at me "SAY SOMETHING!"
I stared at her for a while before calmly saying "I have nothing to say to you, whore!"
Bob freaked out, and slammed me against the wall. Screaming at me to not talk to his sister that way.
I got a lot of satisfaction out of Bob's violent reaction. I don’t know why, it made me so happy I was laughing.
Bobs wife left him 4 months earlier. I smiled at Bob, "Your pathetic Bob. Did you beat your wife to Bob? Is that why she left you?"
Bob hit me hard, I went down. Wife and daughter started screaming their heads off. As I start to get up I just laughed even harder. I just couldn’t help myself.
I was bleeding from somewhere I saw it on the floor. I am still in handcuffs, laughing. Maybe it was the absurdity of it all?.
I spat blood in Bob's face and said "Fu..k! you Bob!" He hit me again, hard enough to knock me out cold this time.
I woke in the hospital. I puked all over the floor the second I opened my eyes so I knew I had a concussion.
Eve, Bob and my daughter was there, they where talking at me, I was to confused to make it out. A nurse appeared and asked them to leave. She got me a pan to puke in and called someone to clean.
While she was taking my pulse, I told her that my family put me here and that they where not to come anywhere near me. That If they came back into the room I would leave, I would just run away. She argued kind of sternly that running or even getting up was a really bad idea for me. But she would talk to security.
I didn’t see them again in the hospital, it was bliss. Finally I felt a little at peace, I could think.
I was thinking about maybe reporting Bob to get him fired, but it’s a small town. His colleagues would probably cover for him. I considered confronting my wife, but that didn’t make any sense to me either.
I decided to disappear, to turn into a ghost, I wanted nothing to do with these people ever again.
I made a letter to each of them, I warned Bob that if he ever bothered me again I would report him. I told my daughter that Eve had betrayed me and that she would be without a father from now on.
To Eve I made a longer letter. I tried to be as practical as possible. I told her to sell the house, that I wont be paying the mortgage or utilities anymore etc. I told her reconciliation, or even contact was impossible, especially after she had sent her brother to drag me back and beat me senseless in front of them.
I explained that I wont do anything for her ever again, so if she wants a divorce she will have to arrange it. I told her I will disappear and I don’t want to be found. That If she interferes with my life again I will simply end myself. That we will never speak again. I ended it with how much she had hurt me.
I really, really regret giving her that last sentence. Its like I let her steal a little bit more of me, like i let her give me a little more pain.
In the hospital I made a plan on how I could disappear, Eve gave the hospital some fresh clothes that they forwarded to me.
Then one evening I just went out the rear fire escape.
I triggered some kind of alarm I was panicking a bit but thankfully no one stopped me. I got back to the hotel to pick up my car. I traded it with a small RV and set off.
I got a new phone. The only person I called was my father. I told him everything and told him if he gave my new number to anyone I would become totally unreachable, forever. He could call me if he needed to reach me if I needed to sign something. Other than that I wanted to be left alone.
For the first few months I grieved the loss of my old life, but I came to realise that I grieved the loss of a fantasy. A memory that only existed in my head. The loving wife and daughter, the family, friend’s.... It was all just an illusion in my head. These people never really cared for me.
Over time I started to re-build a sort of life. Only this time I was a total ghost.
I ghosted all of society. Now I am only a po-box. I rent a safety deposit box to keep valuables and cash. I do odd jobs for money. I hunt and fish and scavenge. My money consumption is insignificant so my cash reserves are actually growing. I don’t pay taxes, I don’t have a bank account. hen people ask my name i answer people call me fred. (its not my name)
I go out of my way to not contribute to society or anything else for that matter.
I am still invisible, like I was in my family, at least now I am invisible to strangers. Not people that claim to love me. And to be honest I kind of like it now, I brew my own beer, I move around, I have no obligations. I work when I want. I spend a lot of time in nature just relaxing. I have a few friends that I hunt and fish with. I am in amazing shape, the best shape of my life actually.
All in all my life is getting better. At least now noone is using me for nothing but their own benefit while pretending they care about me.
I dont know what happened to my wife and daughter, my old friends or the rest of the family. I dont know If I am divorced now or if I owe child support. I don’t know what happened to the house. I don’t really care. My father has tried to give me information a few times but I shut that down hard. He is the only one I speak to occasionally from my old life.
I feel free, relaxed, content, I could say happy even.
I don’t have much, but I dont need much. When I get to the end of the line I will sell everything and burn the rest of my money. I will make sure there is nothing of value left, nothing left to remember me by. Then I will walk into a national park without noone ever knowing and disappear forever.
Some times I go to shopping malls, train or buss stations and just observe the people.
There I see them, all the men like I used to be. The men that are sacrificing themselves to a society and families that don’t give a shit about them, men that work themselves to death without any recognition or gratitude from anyone.
They are guilt tripped, pressured and pushed to always make more, sacrifice more. More and more pointless nonsense, brand clothes, bigger house, more this more that.
Never even getting a thank you, no form of gratitude, or appreciation. In most cases not even a smile.
They try to fool themselves, just like I was, refusing to recognise reality. But I see it in them, just like I used to, deep down they know.
I recognise their empty million mile stare, I used to have the same one.
This felt nice to get of my chest, thank you for listening.
Top Comment: Nice story even though it's unbelievable
Family Reverence in Confucian Societies - How “OK, Boomer!” Might Just Be the Rally Cry of an Unhealthy Society
Main Post: Family Reverence in Confucian Societies - How “OK, Boomer!” Might Just Be the Rally Cry of an Unhealthy Society
Top Comment: Or it's an acknowledgement that our society is moving faster than ever before, and advice that worked for people in their 20's in the 1960's/1970's is actively counter-productive in today's society.
Is it ok to attend the family medicine conference without networking?
Main Post:
AS an IMG im personally going to apply very broadly, with regards to visa and IMG acceptance only. I understand you're supposed to network but when you're applying to every spot are you supposed to research all of them? Can someone offer advice/thoughts? I wanted to learn from this conference/experience.
Top Comment:
Pretty much what ilikehappyfeels said. You dont NEED to network, just like you don’t NEED to do many things - but it will help.
If you are an IMG and want to match, you will need to do your research anyways on which programs are IMG friendly etc if you don’t want to waste money and time. Take this time to at least flag programs that you would rank HIGHLY. You should know this part regardless of the conference.
If you do not feel confident in interviews/face to face time, it would still help to show interest by networking with those programs. You can keep it brief - 1-2 minutes, send thank you emails maybe swing back the next day or the final day.
Ultimately it is up to you. If you hate networking and refuse to do it, you can still match but expect those who do network to have to have at least a small advantage.
Reddit - Dive into anything
Main Post: Reddit - Dive into anything